The Land of ESH

Episode LXXXII: And The Oscar Goes To…Chuck Norris!

And if he were nominated, he’d make sure he’d sweep the ceremonies…with his roundhouse kick!

This week the Bastards do everything they can to piss off Glee creator Ryan Murphy, siding with Kings of Leon on why he’s such a bitch. King Baby Duck reviews the demos for the WiiWare games Furry Legends and Fish ‘Em All, he and Blueonic share their thoughts on the Crysis 2 multiplayer demo, and the Duck goes gaga over the demo for Bulletstorm and somewhat shrugs off the PS3 remake of Dead Space: Extraction. Anvil and Nenya give their take on the world of sports, Anvil takes a look at The Mechanic and the B3 crew give their picks for this year’s Oscar Nominations.

Episode LXXV: That Tumor Is Such A Killjoy!

With Blueonic out for the week, Nenya steps in and fills his big shoes.

This week the B3 crew share their thoughts on the new My Chemical Romance album Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys, and Anvil & Nenya give their take in the week of sports. Demos of Fluidity and Super Scribblenauts are looked at, and King Baby Duck puts the free Xbox 360 games Dorito’s Crash Course and Harms Way under the microscope. Finally the trio reviews the new Jolie/Depp film The Tourist.

One-On-One: Mikko Sirén of Apocalyptica

This past Thursday King Baby Duck and Nenya sat down with Apocalyptica drummer Mikko Sirén before the band’s performance at the Royale in Boston, MA.

After a quick run to Starbucks with the famed drummer the B3 crew went to the Apocalyptica tour bus to record a very special interview for you all. In it Mikko reveals many great details, including the process of recording 7th Symphony, how the band has evolved since it began, his favorite pop singer and why he hates the TV show Lost. Plus Sirén discusses his favorite collaborations, and let’s the cat out of the bag on what the band does before they hit the stage each night. (Also, for those who watch Apocalyptica’s web series, who thinks the interview in Episode 2 was staged?)

Is "Rock Band: Apocalyptica" In The Cards?

A question for Apocalyptica intended as a joke results in an answer that no one expected.

In an interview with the Boston Bastard Brigade yesterday Apocalyptica drummer Mikko Sirén was asked if he thinks there would be a Cello Hero video game in the near-future. His response:

“We just talked two days ago with the guy who programs the stuff for Rock Band…It would be tempting, of course, for us. They would just put some songs that can be played for the guitar and drums, but it could be interesting.”

As of now it seems that Apocalyptica could show up in the next Rock Band game (possibly as a download pack), but one can only imagine what a true Rock Band: Apocalyptica video game could entail.

Episode LVIII: Cocaine Does Not Make A Prius Look Any Cooler

The Bastards make sure those other guys don’t have the cojones to take over their show!

This week the B3 crew discuss the week in sports, the new movie The Other Guys and the video games Snoopy Flying Ace, Try Not To Fart and Pokémon HeartGold Version. Plus the gang tries their hardest to bring back a childhood classic…

Nenya Does "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"

You know there’s not a whole lot to do during hockey season other than watch movies. Luckily, for a girl like me, the summer is packed full of blockbuster premieres. Not every summer film is ideal for every summer moviegoer, and for my fellow Bastards, I knew that getting them to see the newest of the Twilight movies would be a next to an impossible task. So I phoned my best gal pals, left my dignity at home, and headed out to tackle what was surely to be the highest grossing film this summer.

For those of you living under a rock for the past three years, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse is the third film in the Twilight franchise. If you haven’t seen the first two movies, I’d grab the first two on Netflix before dropping the cash on this movie. But for those of you who don’t have the time, I’ll give you the basic run down so far:

Girl meets Boy. Girl falls in love with Boy. Boy turns out to be vampire. Some other vampires come in and want to eat Girl but Boy saves her and they resume their unnecessarily angsty and obsessive relationship. Part one.

Part two: Boy decides that it’s too dangerous for Girl to date a vampire so he selflessly removes himself from the picture. Girl gets depressed, meets Werewolf. Werewolf falls in love with Girl. Girl uses Werewolf to get over her depression. Boy thinks that Girl is dead so he decides to off himself a-la Romeo (sans Juliet.) Girl saves Boy, Boy and Girl reunite, Werewolf gets really pissed off and blah blah blah more angst.

With me?

Part three! Red head vampire from the first book (who is kinda sorta a really awful plot device in the second book) returns for her revenge! But this time she has an army of newborn Vampires to back her up. Meanwhile, Werewolf and Girl are rekindling their friendship and Girl is convincing Boy to turn her in to a Vampire, because, well, let’s be honest: Cougars + Young Boys are only sexy within certain limits. More angst ensues! And some fighting! Obviously the Werewolves and the Vampires work together to save the day, only to be ripped apart when Girl not only agrees to marry Boy, but also kisses Werewolf and confesses her love for the two. Werewolf storms off and Girl only feels slightly bad for needlessly leading him on and shattering his heart in to a thousand tiny pieces. Sorry honey, but you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

All right, so I might have glossed over a few minor details, but the fact of the matter is that when you compare Eclipse to the first two Twilight movies this film blows the first two out of the water. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg has slowly been hacking away at the tangled and whiny narrative that is Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight books and has finally managed a breakthrough in Eclipse. Despite the complete glossing over of Meyer’s version of Werewolf culture, Rosenberg has managed to craft a story that adequately represents each of its main characters while at the same time delving deeper in to minor characters such as Jasper and Rosalie.

Director David Slade, who was new to the Twilight franchise, came in to this project with a vampire film already beneath his belt (30 Days of Night), and connections to the band Muse (having previously directed four of the band’s music videos in the early 2000’s.) It’s in this writer’s opinion that Slade breathed a second life into the film franchise. The fight scenes were just enough to drive the tweenies wild without grossing them out, but violent enough that when you see a werewolf sink its teeth in to a newborn vampire for the first time you find yourself pumping your fist and hissing: “Yesss!!” Although I will have to say I do feel like they took that whole vampires being hard as stone metaphor a little too far. Flashback scenes feel artsy and cool, and Jasper’s southern drawl would make any girl want to don a hoop skirt and whip up a batch of sweet tea. Jacob and Edward are just the right amount of testosterone, and Bella’s grown in to a confident, sexy young woman.

Like every Twilight film, this one has a happy ending that gets ruined as soon as all the characters remember: “Oh, right, this is supposed to be a painful love triangle story,” and thus the film is to be continued. For those of you who haven’t read the books, I won’t give you any spoilers. However I will say that it’s going to be a doozie of a conclusion.

And oh, in case any of you were wondering…

Episode XLVIII: Back In The Old Days, When John Wayne Could Play An Asian Guy…

After a small absence, Nenya returns to the Bastards! (And yes, the episode title does not lie!)

This week the Bastards gripe about the salaries of the hockey players in the KHL and the MBTA. Plus they give their takes on the new game Split/Second, the new film Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time and the week in sports.

Episode XXXVIII: Big Fluffy & Big Papi Chillin’ In the Hot Tub

So why is Episode 38 coming after 39? Who cares? It’s a bonus episode starring Anvil and Nenya!

While the Duck and Blueonic were at PAX East playing video games and hitting on booth babes, Anvil & Nenya recorded this bonus show that features their thoughts on the film Hot Tub Time Machine. Plus Anvil discusses the recent Gabriel Iglesias show at the Wilbur Theater, and then the sports-loving duo give their take on the upcoming NFL Draft Picks, the Bruins and more!